I miss you
by Miss P
Summary: Miss Parker is missing her mom...


I miss you. By Miss P.  
  
Summary: Miss Parker is missing her mom....  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own either the characters or the song in this story, and I'm not getting paid for writing it. So please, don't kill me... (For those who are interested, the song is called Nan's song' by Robbie Williams.)  
  
Miss Parker's POV  
  
**********************  
  
''''You said when you died that you'd walk with me everyday.  
  
And I started to cry and said please don't talk that way.''''  
  
My worst fear did come true. And even though she's still with me, it doesn't take away the sorrow, the loneliness...  
  
''''With a blink of an eye and the lord came and asked you to leave.''''  
  
'Mom, why did you have to die? Why couldn't we just be a normal family, like everyone else?'  
  
''''You went to a better place, but they stole you away from me.''''  
  
Maybe it's true. Maybe she's better off dead. This world is nothing but evil. And I don't think it will ever change. Maybe I'm doomed to live like this, with nothing else than emptiness and pain. I know she wanted me to be happy. But how can I be? What do I have that can make me happy? Ever since she died, it has been like living in a dark hole, a hole that I can never escape from, which takes pleasure in pouring salt in my wounds. First it was her. Then when I though things could work out, when I was in love with Tommy. He was taken away from me as well. And now I have to deal with my feelings for Jarod. I know he only wants what's best for me, and I also know that he can make me happy. So why is it so hard to give in, to admit my love for him? If mom had been alive, I doubt I still would be working at the Centre. Everything would have been so different. Maybe Jarod and I would have been together,  
  
''''And now she lives in heaven.  
  
But I know they let her out.  
  
To take care of me,  
  
There's a strange kind of light  
  
Caressing me tonight  
  
Pray silence my fear, she's near,  
  
Bringing heaven down here.''''  
  
Sometimes my inner sense is driving me crazy. Not that I'm complaining. It's like a comfort. Hearing her voice makes me feel some kind of safety. But there's times when I just want to forget, to go on with my life. Then hearing her talk to me is the most painful thing. It reminds met that even though I'm trying, I can't move on. Maybe that's my curse...  
  
''''I miss your love, I miss your touch.  
  
But I'm feeling you everyday.''''  
  
Even though I'm desperately trying to not miss her, I do. I always have and I think I always will. Why does life have to be so unfair?  
  
''''And I can almost hear you say,  
  
You've come a long way baby...''''  
  
Do I deserve what fate puts me through? Sometimes I think I do, I mean have I ever done anything good in my life? Not what I can recall. All I have done is causing other people pain. So maybe my misery is my own fault... But honestly, what did I do wrong as a child? What did I do to deserve loosing my mother? I just don't understand...  
  
''''And now you live in heaven,  
  
But I know they let you out.  
  
To take care of me.  
  
There's a strange kind of light,  
  
In my bedroom tonight.  
  
Pray silence my fear, she's near.  
  
Bringing heaven down here.''''  
  
When I'm at work, I don't have so much time to think of her, of my past. Then it's usually the so called LabRat who is on my mind. The truth is I don't want to bring him back to the Centre. I want him to have his freedom. He deserves that. In comparison to me, he really deserves to be happy. He's always been kind. Even to me, even though I do nothing in return. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to swallow my pride and fears, and just tell him! No one knows how I'm feeling. I don't think even Sydney can guess. I know he thinks he have me figured out. But he only knows the half of it. Only mom knows how much I truly love Jarod. And I think it's for the best if it stays that way...  
  
''''You taught me kings and queens.  
  
While stroking my hair.''''  
  
I always pretend to be strong. But the truth is I'm not. The real strength comes from what she taught me, how to love. She told me everything I needed to know... I remember my first kiss with Jarod. I knew it was love. I have loved him ever since. I guess Tommy was just...I don't know, someone in between. But when I lost him, I also lost faith in love. I thought that I must have remembered her words wrong. That maybe I did something wrong. And even though I couldn't want anything more badly, I don't think I ever dare to love again, I'm so afraid to lose...  
  
''''In my darkest hour,  
  
I know you are there.  
  
Leaning down beside me.  
  
Whispering my prayers.  
  
There's a strange kind of light,  
  
Caressing me tonight.  
  
Pray silence my fear, she is near.  
  
Bringing heaven down here.''''  
  
Every night I cry myself to sleep. That's the only time I allow myself to be weak. In the darkness of my room, no one can see my anyway. The emotions that I've been holding back during the day come up, almost killing me. But I guess that's just the way my life is supposed to be...  
  
''''The next time that we meet.  
  
I will bow at your feet.  
  
And say, wasn't life sweet.  
  
Then we prepare,  
  
To take heaven down here.''''  
  
I'm so tired of this. Actually, I don't know how much longer I can take it. The loneliness is killing me. If it hadn't been for my façade and my well- known sarcasm's, I don't think I could have survived. Somehow, pretending to be okay, to be strong helps me cope. I know this must sound crazy, but I think I envy her. Why did she die and not me? Dammit, why did I have to be the one who would be forced to live with the pain? It's true; I wish I died instead of her. I really do...  
  
THE END. 


End file.
